The Sod Fathers

PHILADELPHIA (BASN/FRO) From the halls of the biggest money – making not for profit entity in America, the NCAA (aka Not Conforming to Actual Application) it’s time once again for another edition of “As The Twirls Turn.”

You don’t need the O’Jays bringing that wicked bass riff to know what the Bowl Game Championships are about; and when those turnstiles twirl with asses rolling in to stadia across the country, there is not a “cha-ching” to be found; because electric and paper money – makes no noise – when it falls to the ground…

But the $64 dollar question (and by the way, that same $64 will get you a ticket to an Ohio State football game, but won’t cover your parking) is – just how much money are we talking about?  In this BASN Special Report, we’re about to find out.

My colleague, L.A. Batchelor has long contended about college football being ruled by the “Five Families” – the five most competitive, if not powerful, football conferences in the nation: the Southeastern Conference (SEC), the Atlantic Coast Conference (ACC), the Big Ten Conference, the Big 12 Conference and the Pacific 10 Conference.

Convoluted computer concoctions calculate cryptic credentials, causing conflict and cacophonous crowing over collecting cash – and who gets the biggest piece of sweet potato pie.

With the current bowl schedule now in effect, it’s now time to break out the BASN “abracadabracus” – and see how money disappears into the Five Families’ coffers.

Below, we provide a list of the bowl games, teams and their respected conferences; along with the estimated amount of cash both sides are to receive:

New Mexico Bowl: Won by University of Wyoming (Mountain West Conference), 35-28 over Fresno State (Western Athletic Conference); both schools get $750K.

St. Petersburg Bowl: Won by Rutgers University (Big East Conference) 45-24 over the University of Central Florida (Conference USA); both schools get one million dollars.

R&L Carriers New Orleans Bowl: Won by Middle Tennessee State (Sun Belt Conference) 42-32 over Southern Mississippi University (C-USA); both schools got $325K. Bowl: Connecticut (Big East) vs. South Carolina (SEC); both get $300K.

MAACO Las Vegas Bowl: Oregon State (Pac – 10) vs. Brigham Young University (Mountain West); both get one million dollars.

San Diego County Credit Union Poinsettia Bowl: Utah vs. California (Pac – 10); both get $750K.

Sheraton Hawai’i Bowl: Nevada (WAC) vs. Southern Methodist University (C-USA); both schools get $398K.

Emerald Bowl: Boston College (ACC) vs. University of Southern California (Pac – 10); both schools get $850K.

Meineke Car Care Bowl: North Carolina (ACC) vs. Pittsburgh (Big East); both schools get one million.

Little Caesars Bowl: Ohio University (Midwest Athletic Conference) vs. Marshall (C-USA); both schools get $750K.

Gaylord Hotels Music City Bowl: Kentucky (SEC) vs. Clemson (ACC); both get $1.6 million.

Independence Bowl: Texas A&M (Big 12) vs. Georgia (SEC); both get $1.1 million.

Champs Sports Bowl: The University of Miami (ACC) vs. Wisconsin (Big 10); both get $2.25 million.

Eagle Bank Bowl: UCLA (Pac – 10) vs. Temple (MAC); both get one million.

Pacific Life Holiday Bowl: Nebraska (Big 12) vs. Arizona (Pac – 10); both get $2.35 million.

Roady’s Humanitarian Bowl: Idaho (WAC) vs. Bowling Green (MAC); both get $750K.

Texas Bowl: Missouri (Big 12) vs. Navy (Independent); both get $700K.

Bell Helicopter Armed Forces Bowl: Air Force (Mountain West) vs. Houston (C-USA); both get $600K.

Brut Sun Bowl: Stanford (Pac – 10) vs. Oklahoma (Big 12); both get $1.9 million.

Insight Bowl: Minnesota (Big 10) vs. Iowa State (Big 12); both get $1.35 million.

Chick-fil-A Bowl: Virginia Tech (ACC) vs. Tennessee (SEC); both get $3.005 million.

Outback Bowl: Northwestern (Big 10) vs. Auburn (SEC); both get $3.3 million.

Capital Bowl: Penn State (Big 10) vs. Louisiana State University (SEC); both get $4.25 million.

Konica Minolta Gator Bowl: West Virginia (Big East) vs. Florida State (ACC); both get $2.5 million.

Rose Bowl: Ohio State (Big 10) vs. Oregon (Pac – 10); both get $17 million.

Allstate Sugar Bowl: Florida (SEC) vs. Cincinnati (Big East); both get $17 million.

AT&T Cotton Bowl: Oklahoma State (Big 12) vs. Ole Miss (SEC); both get $3 million.

Auto Zone Liberty Bowl: East Carolina (C-USA) vs. Arkansas (SEC); both get $1.7 million.

International Bowl: University of South Florida (Big East) vs. Northern Illinois (MAC); both get $750K.

Valero Alamo Bowl: Texas Tech (Big 12) vs. Michigan State (Big 10); both get $2.25 million.

Tostitos Fiesta Bowl: Texas Christian University (Mountain West) vs. Boise State (WAC); both get $17 million.

FedEx Orange Bowl: Georgia Tech (ACC) vs. Iowa (Big 10); both get $17 million.

GMAC Bowl: Central Michigan (MAC) vs. Troy (Sun Belt); both get $750K.

Citi National Championship: Texas (Big 12) vs. Alabama (SEC); both get $17 million.

The Tab

For the Five Families, the amount of potential revenue earned for the bowl games comes out to a whopping $183,005.5 million bucks (damn!) with a breakdown as follows: $25.1 M for the Pac – 10, $28.305 M for the ACC, $29.650 M for the Big 12, $47.4 M for the Big 10 – and $52.5505 M for the SEC.

The combined revenue of the other conferences antes up to $68.506 M. Three other conferences – the Mountain West ($18.95 M) the Big East ($22.5 M) and the WAC ($18.9 M) took bigger bites out of the pie than the families would like; an aberration when you consider only two teams – TCU and Boise State – were preseason Top 25 ranked teams, and no team from the Big East got any pre-season consideration, making Cincinnati’s run all the more impressive.

College basketball has seen the future in this, and has headed its focus in the same direction, turning the NCAA Basketball Tournament into the Five Families Invitational (with cameo appearances by the Big East). Here Cinderella will not be invited to the ball; and if she tries to slide in or smile and flash her ta-tas at the doorman, he will toss her skank ass out…

With everything said, however, it still comes back to these two realities: how long will the NCAA continue to perpetrate “values” on their 100 yard plantations, depriving the most valuable assets – the players – a share of the profits they earn?

And what incident or ruling (perhaps the EA Sports lawsuit) will be the eventual breakthrough in determining where the arguments for not paying the student-athletes stop – and the check writing begins?

So in spite of the fact Pimp Flava Supreme has split the scene, those turf plantations get hoed, plowed and ready to serve over the next two weeks.

After all, anything goes when it comes to hos; ‘cause pimpin’ ain’t easy…

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