NY Sports Day

Lazzari’s Sports Roundup – 1/10/15

Just a few things one sports columnist would like to see in 2015………………..

*an “A-Rod Dartboard Day” promotion at Yankee Stadium
*Jameis Winston get a clue
*Odell Beckham, Jr. get a clue
*Ndamukong Suh get a clue
*a SLEW of other athletes–too numerous to mention here–GET A CLUE
*fans in NY use placards with pictures of syringes on them when keeping track of A-ROD’s home runs
*an aging sports columnist FINALLY secure that long-awaited tennis date with a NON-aging woman named Christie Brinkley
*better health for the great Gordie Howe
*QB Jay Cutler CARE just a little bit more
*Jerryd Bayless of the Milwaukee Bucks face off against Andre Drummond of the Detroit Pistons in a free-throw shooting contest–with Bayless being BLINDFOLDED (my money is STILL on Bayless)
*Johnny Manziel and Justin Bieber become roommates
*a future athlete like Wayne Gretzky born somewhere
*a future athlete/individual like Aaron Hernandez NOT born ANYWHERE
*better accommodations for media members at Connecticut high school sporting events (a YEARLY mention in this column)
*the New England Patriots cheerleaders be servers at a Connecticut Sports Writers’ Alliance luncheon
*EVERY NFL player be required to wear a #40 patch on his uniform in memory of Pat Tillman
*more athletes age as well as model/actress Brooke Shields
*an NFL game without a pass interference or personal foul penalty
*the N.Y. Knicks MATTER again
*Al Sharpton find a sport he’s obsessed with–such as golf–in order to stay OUT of the daily headlines
*the Fordham basketball program MATTER again
*a future Vin Scully born somewhere
*color commentators provide COLOR/INSIGHT on telecasts–NOT long-winded soliloquies
*Roger Federer realize that he’s not 25 anymore
*YOURS TRULY realize that he’s not 25 anymore
*handing the ball to an official after scoring a touchdown become a “cool” thing to do
*athletes NOT having tattoos become “cool” again
*Rex Ryan become a defensive coordinator at some tiny high school in South Dakota
*a future Derek Jeter born somewhere
*less writer’s block (another YEARLY mention in this column)
*a future Secretariat or Seattle Slew born somewhere
*the Oakland Raiders play something known as OFFENSE
*the Oakland Raiders play something known as DEFENSE
*the Oakland Raiders MATTER again
*gasoline prices go down to $2.00 per gallon–and STAY there (I can dream, right?)
*an MLB footrace between Billy Butler and David Ortiz
*my good friend Robert “Raven” Kraft keep his running streak alive (having done eight miles daily for 40 consecutive years now–WITHOUT missing a day)
*Rajon Rondo learn the art of free-throw shooting
*John Calipari recruit a future rocket scientist at Kentucky
*animal activists protest vehemently due to Michigan’s continued use of the “Wolverines” nickname
*a bronze statue of the Phillie Phanatic be placed at the entrance of Citizens Bank Park in Philadelphia
*a TOTALLY HEALTHY Miguel Cabrera–and the kind of #’s he’d put up while playing 150+ games
*the MLB Players Association care SOMEWHAT about the integrity of the game (I can dream AGAIN, right?)
*the term “quality start” be considered VULGAR
*the terms “athlete” and “nightclub” NOT appear in the same sentence
*more NFL players/quality individuals like Jason Witten of the Cowboys
*just TWO consecutive days of total sunshine here in New England
*more GRAND SLAMS and less GRAND JURIES
*more STOLEN BASES and less STOLEN IDENTITIES
*less TECHNICAL FOULS and TECHNICAL DIFFICULTIES
*a good tasting, FAT-FREE doughnut
*WR Josh Gordon find HIMSELF–NOT more trouble
*the S.F. Giants hold a “Barry Bonds Bobblehead Night”–with the doll’s head being TEN TIMES the size of its body
* the Connecticut Sports Writers’ Alliance hold monthly meetings at the Sheraton Waikiki
*Heisman winner Marcus Mariota experience a TAD more future success in the NFL than past QB winners such as Chris Weinke, Eric Crouch, and Jason White
*competitive eater Joey Chestnut top the “70” mark at the annual Nathan’s Hot Dog Eating Contest
*continued good gastro-intestinal health for the aforementioned Mr. Chestnut, and FINALLY,
*peace, prosperity, and good OVERALL health for the readers of this column. Happy 2015, everyone.


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