Mule

I flipped this on last night after the Military Channel finally pissed me off to the point that I have declared it gayer than gay and refuse to watch it anymore.

It's on the History Channel and is one of those shitty reality shows, but at least this one isn't in a contest format. They cobbled together four "experts" (who have super awesome titles like "navigator, "survival expert", etc.) and are recreating Henry Stanley's route into Africa to find Dr. Livingstone in the 1800's. The "twist" is they're supposedly doing it on just compass & rudimentary maps without modern navigational equipment like GPS etc.

About 15 or so minutes into it, you know you're in for a special kind of retardation. They're putting their caravan together, hiring porters, and after they get things settled, the "journalist" (in other words, the guy least qualified to make this proposal) suggests they head off without carrying water...just the empty water cans, on the premise they'll find water where they're headed. No ****. I, as did every other sane person watching even if they've never been more than 30 feet from a water fountain in their freaking life, thought, "There's no way they're going to listen to this idiot." And yet, of course, they do. They wander off into a coastal mangrove salt (i.e. all the water is tidal salt water for miles inland) carrying a few pints of water in their canteens. With 20 porters hauling Lord knows how many pounds of their kit.

Sure enough, later they had to halt the caravan and send a couple of dudes off in search of water (which they got at a farm with a well) and bring it back. Then they all sit in a circle and say, "Well, let's agree never to do that again." Really? You shouldn't wander off into the African bush carrying empty water cans? Who knew?

Meanwhile, their "navigator" can't figure out where they are because he can't see "far enough" to draw a compass bearing on a landmark from their maps, and their "survival expert" is packing one of those old round canteens like you see in western movies. Pretty much everyone has heard of the existence of the Camelback by now but this guy, evidently.

I know "Whale Wars" starts this week, but now I'm forced to watch this next week too just on the hopes that somebody gets eaten. So now I have two shitty reality shows I have to watch purely based on accidental comedy factor.

Find Out More About the Show - Expedition Africa - History.com

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I just took a crap and named it muhammed -- METSSC

Warrior by day, lover by night, drunkard by choice...Marine by God. Semper Fidelis. -- anonymous Marine

alice

As you might imagine, I am not the Military Channel's most avid viewer. But If I'm flipping around and notice anything to do with submarines or air craft carriers, for some reason, I have to watch. Maybe it's just the obvious Freudian explanation, but I think it's more awe at the technological grandeur.

But I agree with you about the water.

Mule

The "navigator" is carrying a shitty map/desktop type compass, even though sighting compasses existed in the 1870's. Their map looks like it was drawn in a 4th grade class project, although decent maps existed then too. As did waterbags (the 1870 equivalent of a Camelback). I think they're "reverse gimicking" themselves on purpose and misrepresenting the gear they're carrying as "historic" even though it's not. And they hired Masai as bodyguards, which might be their one smart move so far...until they get tired of trekking with the white devils and leave them to be lunch. Meanwhile, the camermen are probably snacking on Pizza Hut and packing Garmin GPS's and sat phones.

__________________
I just took a crap and named it muhammed -- METSSC

Warrior by day, lover by night, drunkard by choice...Marine by God. Semper Fidelis. -- anonymous Marine

Led, the Revenge

On a somewhat related note that will bring you pleasure mule, that fraud Bear grylls recently cut the top of his finger off having not realised (being the survival expert that he is) that bamboo can be sharp, and had to be flown back to England for surgery.

TV adventurer Bear Grylls in agony after nearly severing a finger on a shard of bamboo | Mail Online

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Frank's high Tuesdays migrate to a Friday.

Mets bs

I was surprised as hell Whale Wars is back for another season, but LULZ shall be had for another few months.

DDPv6.0

Bear Grylls & Will Ferrell on Man vs. Wild tonight, by the way.

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Mule

Hahahahahahahahahahaha...I hate that guy. Les Stroud kicks his ass.

Supposedly Darryl Hannah is/was aboard, but I didn't see her in the promo? Maybe she couldn't hack it, hopefully. You *******s should be buying me Powerball tickets because I swear if I ever become independently wealthy, infiltrating that crew is going to become my life's mission.

__________________
I just took a crap and named it muhammed -- METSSC

Warrior by day, lover by night, drunkard by choice...Marine by God. Semper Fidelis. -- anonymous Marine

Mule

Dear God...that could be worthy of an IGT.

__________________
I just took a crap and named it muhammed -- METSSC

Warrior by day, lover by night, drunkard by choice...Marine by God. Semper Fidelis. -- anonymous Marine

alice

I only have one Bear Grylls watching experience because he was so terrible and immediately afterward Survivor Man was on and by comparison, there will never be a reason to watch that whack job. I know I've told of the only Man V. Wild I ever saw before, but I'll repeat it because it was so blatantly bad, I'm surprise there was ever a full season. He shimmied across a ravine on a wire that had been hung so hunters could send stuff back and forth - he didn't realize until it was too late that it wasn't the right gauge for a human to go across. He figured that out half way across when he realized it was acting like a cheese cutter on his nuts.

Man V Wild is basically Jack-Ass without being funny.

alice

Oh my god - he's such a fraud - The Will Ferrell episode came on before my husband relinquished the remote. He's saying "Will thinks we're going to...." and pretending that Will is getting surprised by this. There are interviews all over cyber-space about Will's decision to go on the show. Why the staged surprise? It doesn't impress me - it's just aggravating. God I hate Bear Grylls.

What was this thread about again? sorry.

Mule

The Boy and I watched it on DVR and contempt hung in the room like fog. Finding the reindeer "carcass" was especially laughable; supposedly killed right there, but no gallons of blood from field dressing it, and they just happened to leave the hide behind so they could use it as a ground cloth. Who up there is gonna leave a hide behind?

The bundle-of-sticks-snowshoe trick was gayer than hell too. "We're getting tired walking through this snow, so we're going to tie 14 lbs. of sticks to each of our feet."

Why people even watch this show when Survivorman is available, I have no idea.

__________________
I just took a crap and named it muhammed -- METSSC

Warrior by day, lover by night, drunkard by choice...Marine by God. Semper Fidelis. -- anonymous Marine