George Bush's resignation speech

[Green Must Go]

The following "speech" was written by an ordinary CITIZEN. While satirical in nature, all satire must have a basis in fact to be effective.

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The speech George W. Bush SHOULD give:


Normally, I start these things out by saying "My Fellow Americans." Not doing it this time. If the polls are any indication, I don't know who more than half of you are anymore. I do know something terrible has happened, and that you're really not fellow Americans any longer.

I'll cut right to the chase here: I quit. Now before anyone gets all in a lather about me quitting to avoid impeachment, or to avoid prosecution or something, let me assure you: there's been no breaking of laws or impeachable offenses in this office.

The reason I'm quitting is simple. I'm fed up with you people.

I'm fed up because you have no understanding of what's really going on in the world. Or of what's going on in this once-great nation of ours. And the majority of you are too damned lazy to do your homework and figure it out.

Let's start local. You've been sold a bill of goods by politicians and the news media. Polls show that the majority of you think the economy is in the tank. And that's despite record numbers of homeowners including record numbers of MINORITY homeowners.

And while we're mentioning minorities, I'll point out that minority business ownership is at an all-time high. Our unemployment rate is as low as it ever was during the Clinton Administration. I've mentioned all those things before, but it doesn't seem to have sunk in.

Despite the shock to our economy of 9/11, the stock market has rebounded to record levels and more Americans than ever are participating in these markets. Meanwhile, all you can do is whine about gas prices, and most of you are too damn stupid to realize that gas prices are high because there's increased demand in other parts of the world, and because a small handful of noisy idiots are more worried about polar bears and beachfront property than your economic security.

We face real threats in the world. Don't give me this "blood for oil" thing. If I was trading blood for oil I would've already seized Iraq’s oil fields and let the rest of the country go to hell. And don't give me this 'Bush Lied - People Died' crap either. If I was the liar you morons take me for, I could've easily had chemical weapons planted in Iraq so they could be 'discovered.' Instead, I owned up to the fact that the intelligence was faulty. Let me remind you that the rest of the world thought Saddam had the goods, same as me. Let me also remind you that regime change in Iraq was official US policy before I came into office. Some guy named ' Clinton ' established that policy. Bet you didn't know that, did you?

You idiots need to understand that we face a unique enemy. Back during the cold war, there were two major competing political and economic models squaring off. We won that war, but we did so because fundamentally, the Communists wanted to survive, just as we do. We were simply able to outspend and out-tech them.

That's not the case this time. The soldiers of our new enemy don't care if they survive. In fact, they want to die. That'd be fine, as long as they weren't also committed to taking as many of you with them as they can. But they are. They want to kill you. And the bastards are all over the globe.

You should be grateful that they haven't gotten any more of us here in the United States since September 11. But you're not. That's because you've got no idea how hard a small number of intelligence, military, law enforcement and homeland security people have worked to make sure of that.

When this whole mess started, I warned you that this would be a long and difficult fight. I'm disappointed how many of you people think a long and difficult fight amounts to a single season of 'Survivor'. Instead, you've grown impatient. You're incapable of seeing things through the long lens of history, the way our enemies do. You think that wars should last a few months, a few years, tops.

Making matters worse, you actively support those who help the enemy. Every time you buy the New York Times, every time you send a donation to a cut-and-run Democrat's political campaign, well, dammit, you might just as well FedEx a grenade launcher to a Jihadist. It amounts to the same thing.

In this day and age, it's easy enough to find the truth. It's all over the Internet. It just isn't on the pages of the New York Times or on NBC News. But even if it were, I doubt you'd be any smarter. Most of you would rather watch American Idol.

I could say more about your expectations that the government will always be there to bail you out, even if you're too stupid to leave a city that's below sea level and has a hurricane approaching. I could say more about your insane belief that government, not your own wallet, is where the money comes from. But I've come to the conclusion that were I to do so, it would sail right over your heads.

So I quit. I'm going back to Crawford. I've got an energy-efficient house down there (Al Gore could only dream) and the capability to be fully self-sufficient. No one ever heard of Crawford before I got elected, and as soon as I'm done here pretty much no one will ever hear of it again. Maybe I'll be lucky enough to die of old age before the last pillars of America fall.

Oh, and by the way, Cheney's quitting too. That means Pelosi is your new President. You asked for it. Watch what she does carefully, because I still have a glimmer of hope that there're just enough of you remaining who are smart enough to turn this thing around in 2008.

So that's it. God bless what's left of America. Some of you know what I mean.

[RkFast]

Very cute.

I think the point of the whole piece is spot-on....that a lot of what gets thrown at GWB is borne of out sheer hatred for the man. Lets face it...he could cure cancer and the shrill left will whine about how its was a "conspiracy cooked up to line the pockets of his cronies in the medical industry" or some other such nonsense. The man has not gotten a break from the media since about 9/12/01.

But regardless.....its not like Bush is all right and everything else is wrong. Bush has been right about a lot of things. Its his APPROACH to solving these problems that has proven to be all wrong.

[Green Must Go]

Originally Posted by RkFast

The man has not gotten a break from the media since about 9/12/01.

But regardless.....its not like Bush is all right and everything else is wrong. Bush has been right about a lot of things. Its his APPROACH to solving these problems that has proven to be all wrong.

Agree with both points.

[metman]

Fair. But do you recall msnbc and conservatives towads Clinton in 98? There was pure effing hate for him too. IT'll happen throughout our lives, now, sadly. For all sides.

[Green Must Go]

Originally Posted by metman

Fair. But do you recall msnbc and conservatives towads Clinton in 98? There was pure effing hate for him too. IT'll happen throughout our lives, now, sadly. For all sides.

I don't remember that when Reagan was in office. It is sad.

[Ajax]

I have to admit I was disappointed that he didn't try to say that Jesus told him to invade Iraq like he told some of the Christian Conservative groups. I like most Americans will be happy to see the last of Mr Bush and shall be very grateful if he leaves without starting another war or two.

[FrankStylV7]

Originally Posted by Ajax

I have to admit I was disappointed that he didn't try to say that Jesus told him to invade Iraq like he told some of the Christian Conservative groups. I like most Americans will be happy to see the last of Mr Bush and shall be very grateful if he leaves without starting another war or two.

And I, like most posters here, from BOTH sides of the aisle, would be happy to see the last of your blathering here.

[Ajax]

Originally Posted by FrankStylV7

And I, like most posters here, from BOTH sides of the aisle, would be happy to see the last of your blathering here.

Some folks just can't take the truth.

[Paulie Cee]

Originally Posted by metman

Fair. But do you recall msnbc and conservatives towads Clinton in 98? There was pure effing hate for him too. IT'll happen throughout our lives, now, sadly. For all sides.

MSNBC did not "hate" Clinton in 1998. It was simply part of the feeding frenzy caused by Clinton himself and his serial prevarication. But the second the spectre of impeachment reared its ugly head, MSNBC closed ranks and covered him like a suit of armor.

MSNBC being to the right of CNN is like being comatose instead of brain dead.

[Ajax]

I think anyone has to admit that Clinton did a lot less harm to our country than W has.

[metman]

No, they had a huge conservative bias. I should have said the ton of guests from Barbara olsen to name any other. It was brutal. I literally tried to call and ask if they could tone it down and focus on that weird Saudi man who sent out a video saying he'd kill us if we went to SA and how we must be destroyed.

Some guy named Osama. It was tough to watch.

Just as today's media would probably orgasm if Bush was hit by a truck. It's our society more than anything. Back in the days of FDR, he had polio and the media knew how to play along out of respect. Now, if you ask a media member to keep anything private, such as a debilitating disease, mum, they'd either cry, sue or 'expose' the story.

The world sucks now. So I don't care to see it as 'my side' vs your side as so many other people in this country (and message board) do.

That's all.

[Green Must Go]

Originally Posted by Ajax

I think anyone has to admit that Clinton did a lot less harm to our country than W has.

Yes. Everyone. That's why Bush was elected twice.