Jersey Shore

an oldie...but one of my favorites: (paraphrased form the original repoprt)

"A shaken Steve Phillips annouced today that Mike "Bambi" Piazza, Todd "Kiki" Zeile and Robin "thumper" Ventura had been placed on the DL, due to an unfortunate non-baseball incident. " i guess the big mistake was the match"...said Phillips, reporting from the Burn Unit at Mt. Sinai hospital, as he recounted the events..."Apparently, kiki had inserted the carboard tube inside Mike as usual and let their Gerbil, "Mr. Bixby: begin what they playfully called a spelunking session, but is more commonly known as felching. ...... when Mike uttered the safe word..."Show Tunes".. Kiki knew it was time to retrieve Bixby. Bixby, however , was unwilling to leave the cozy confines. ...Kiki then thought to light a match, hoping the small flame would entice Bixby.........

Phillips described to a hushed press room what happened next. it seems at though the match ignited a pocket of intestinal gas, which propelled a six inch flame from Mikes rectum.....igniting Kiki's hair and severley burning his face. Apparently the first explosion ignited gas further up mike, "bambi's intestine...aand when Ventura leaned in to see what was happening, a larger pocket of gas ignited... proplellng Bixby, out like a rocdent cannonball.....Ventura suffered a brken orbital bone around his left eye......Each man has been moved to the 30 day DL...Kiki Zeile with first degree burns, Ventura with a broken orbiatl bone and Piazza with burns to his rectum and some scarring.....Bixby is in "guarded" condition at the intensive care at the Lexington Avenue animal shelter, but is expected to pull through

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